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Talk:Stepmother Wedding Etiquette - Proper Wedding Etiquette for Stepmothers
Disagree with Recommendations for Stepmother Etiquette Sorry, but being a stepmother, I disagree with a lot of this. Funny how for pretty much any event in America, a couple is seen as a couple, except when it comes to stepmother and dad. For some reason, it is considered perfectly acceptable to seperate them and treat them as a non-couple at a wedding. Don't get this at all. I actually find it sexist, to say the least, that step-moms are supposed to put up with this--act like they are invisible. Where is the etiquette in that? To me, the simple if not only solution is to recognize a couple as a couple at your wedding, period. My brother's girlfriend got to walk down the aisle with him at our niece's wedding, because absolutely no one had any problem recognizing them as a couple. No one tried to seperate them or say, "She can't walk down with you because she is not real family," etc. Yet, for some reason, stepmom and dad can be married for years, and stepmom is supposed to take a hike. Reality is, problems come because the bride or groom tries to recreate/force a couple that no longer exists. That is where the problem lies. Let mom walk down the aisle with step-dad and dad walk down the aisle with step-mom, and let the couples sit together too. I am pretty sure if the week following their wedding the just-groom got to walk down down some other woman at a different wedding, sitting with her and acting like this woman is his spouse the entire time while the just-bride got to sit at the kiddie table, I'm pretty sure that would not go over, right!? It would be seen as disrespectful and humiliating, which it is. If you wouldn't want to be treated that way, why treat others so. I rest my case. 22:34, April 23, 2015 (UTC) I am a biological mother and was so happy to read this article although it is a bit late. I divorced my husband years ago and was fine with the stepmother being in a brief procession behind me. Since I was a victim of abuse I had strong feelings about my ex sitting behind me. I was shocked when I found out that the stepmother was going to sit in the front row (end of my row) with my ex. Although I had my parents (in their eighties to the left of me) with me I found to strange that my ex and the stepmother sat in the same row. Many people came up to me later and said I was a saint for allowing this rude, insensitive behavior I was first in line walking down the aisle in a beautiful grey dress with white roses and they sang a mother of the bride song for me. Although the stepmother is ill with cancer (she is a survivor for 14 years now) and I am very sympathetic, I think that walking down the aisle behind me was fine but breaking the etiquette rule of sitting in the same row was tasteless. Please remember that some exes have cheated their wives out of years of child support, abused them, commit adultry etc. I am not remarried but I wanted to bring a date and my ex threatened my daughter that if I brought a date he wouldn't pay for the wedding!!! I put up with it because she is my only daughter. I am mature and did not want to ruin my daughter's special day. However, if I had to do it over again I would have stood up to the bully, my ex. I should have taken my date sat in the front row and he and the stepmother should have sat BEHIND the biological mother who raised her daughter alone financially. I find it amazing that these people thought it was OK to act as if she was the mother. Some people play games no matter what so to all the CLUELESS stepmothers out there who think they should be equal to the mother on wedding day, I say, OK when your daughter gets married I'll be there walking down the aisle with you!! I magine what the stepmother would say to that? I actually cried at the reception when a rude guest with a turtle tatto on her back turned her ugly back to me and blocked me from seeing my daughter dance. I had never seen this woman in my life. It turned out she was a guest of the stepmother. My ex and I paid for the entire huge wedding as we own a business together. I was horrified that a guest at my daughters wedding would act so rude and nasty. Her point was to prove that she was there for the stepmother. People have all kinds of motivations and I firmly believe that stepmothers are exactly that a second wife and in some religions they are not recognized. They did not change your childs diapers or take them to highschool every day they were busy draining your bank account and having sex with your husband. So stepmothers, second row please and don't walk around the wedding pretending to be something that you are not. 22:53, April 24, 2016 (UTC) Sorry. I think this all is setting the SM up to be shanked. This isn't about SM trying to one-up BM at all. I'm thinking about coming up with a new term re: the SM experience at weddings. I'm calling it getting shanked. Such as Kim got shanked at her step-daughter's wedding last weekend. According to the Urban Dictionary, the term shank means. 1. To stab someone with something other than a knife, and 2. To pull someone's pants down in front of a group of people. I’m proposing a third meaning for the term shank: 3. When a SM goes to a stepchild’s wedding and is treated like an unwelcomed guest and not permitted to be with or sit with her husband. Thought this was a perfect term, as that is the essence of what winds up going on for most SMs at these events--being stabbed in the back and humiliated. Would you or anyone else who is married ever imagine going to an event of any kind and being separated from your spouse intentionally and without your foreknowledge? This is after you received an invite to Mr. and Mrs. XYZ too, implying all were well aware you were married. I don't think any married couple would expect that they be separated at an event--same for SM and dad. SMs show up at these events expecting to be husband and wife, and instead they get shanked. A marriage is foremost about celebrating and honoring marriage. People who are married should be seated together because after the bride and groom get married, I'm sure they will expect to ALWAYS be treated like a married couple too. If not, make sure SM knows before the wedding so she can either suck it up and take it, or just say, "No." This is the year 2016, by the way. ' 23:32, October 12, 2016 (UTC)'